I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
