oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
