You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
