I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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