is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
