Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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