The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
