She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize