i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
