Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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