it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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