He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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