my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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