Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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