I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
