I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
