If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's never too late to be topless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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