So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
