it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
