How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
