I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
