Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
