In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
