I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
