The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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