after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
