so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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