i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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