talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
