i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm both gender and math confused
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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