she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize