I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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