dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
