I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you would pick up someone in the library
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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