Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
