Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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