Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
