I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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