I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
