Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
