I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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