You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
