FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
