True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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