his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
