Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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