what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
