smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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