it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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