I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
