he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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