just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
as a side note pls kill me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
