oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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