I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
