I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize