i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nutella sex= disaster
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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