Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
