'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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