i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
