she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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