like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
