THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
