Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
