Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
