Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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