Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
