I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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