I just cut my nipple shaving
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
A+ Viking dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize