is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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