Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
