Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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