As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize