just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
