he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
