anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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